Hey Pops, I miss you so much. And Grandad Coops. The grief is unbearable but I keep reminding myself that you are both back together now. I graduated last Wednesday. I am so proud of myself, especially after the year I have had. So many times, I was on the verge of dropping out of Uni as I just couldn't cope after Grandad died but I pushed myself through it. I had such a lovely day and was incredibly lucky. Mum, Nana and Steve came and the weather was lovely. We went for food after and then I met my friends to watch England play and they won (thank god, as it meant everyone was in a good mood for going out after)!! I missed you so much and thought of you both EVERY second and it was really tough but... I held my head up and smiled through it as I know the last thing you and Grandad would want is for me to stop living my life and not enjoy such huge milestones because of how much I miss you. It made me so emotional before I got up on the stage because I just know how proud Grandad Coops would've been. From being little, him and Christine ALWAYS made sure I knew how proud they both are of me. Grandad believed in me when I never, ever believed in myself and I just wanted him to see me graduate. I wanted you both to be there. I also was just diagnosed with ADHD the other week which isn't a surprise at all but it has made me be a lot nicer to myself since having an actual diagnosis. I am so proud of myself for getting so far considering how much I have struggled along the way and finally I have been diagnosed. For so long I have been shoved on antidepressants when I have known deep down, it is more than depression but the doctor has always just batted it off as anxiety/depression etc. Me and Christine went away to Spain after my 21st with her family which was so lovely. We had the best time and didn't want to come home. I had the most beautiful 21st, my friends made sure I enjoyed it, as they knew how much I was dreading it with it being on Fathers Day. Mum, Steve, Liv, the boys and Nana came to Liverpool for a meal which was nice and it was really warm!! I went for a meal with Uncle Christian and his family too for my Birthday which was nice too. Anyway, I just wanted to update you. Give Grandad Coops the biggest hug for me, I miss you both so so so much, I hope one day the pain gets a bit easier. All my love, Mais xxx

Hi Dad, Sorry it has been such a long time, so much has happened since the last message I left. Grandad passed away at the start of October and I have been finding things so tough. Me and Abbie broke up a few weeks after his funeral and to be honest, I have just been drowning in uni work/working with the hopes I don't have the time to feel anything. I don't really have any words to describe the pain I am feeling. The funeral triggered so much and reminded me so much of when you died and it has all just been a hell of a lot. Grandad was my best, best friend. There is no one else as daft as me now, no one else that makes me laugh as much, I miss him so much my heart physically hurts. I try to be there as much as I can for Christine as I know she needs me and Liv now, more than ever before. Me and Christine are going away to Spain in June, the week after my 21st which I am looking forward to. I have so many amazing people in my life and I feel so beyond lucky and I am so grateful but everything is bittersweet. I submitted my dissertation about two weeks ago and I am due to get my grade any day. Uni work has been so tough when grieving, I can't focus. I have lost so much weight, I can't sleep, I am emotionally and physically exhausted. You both should be here but I pray to God you are both back together, I believe you are. I don't know what else to say, I have no words really I am just in so much pain. I love and miss you both so so much, words will never come close to explaining how I feel. I love you always, I will be back on here soon, I promise it won't be as long this time. Sleep tight Dad, God bless. All my love, Mais xxxxxx

Hi Dad, I hope you’re okay up there. I’ve been spending a lot of time with grandad and Christine recently with grandad not being well. The only thing helping me is knowing that he will be back with you. It’s the only thing that’s bringing me any kind of comfort seeing him in this way. I know when the time comes, he will be back with you and that’s all he’s ever wanted, he misses you so much. Please watch over him and look after him. I’ve started my new job and I’m enjoying that. Me and Christine went out with Matthew for his Birthday the other night and we had a lovely time. I’m going back to Lpool next week as I’m working and have abandoned Abbie there whilst she’s working!! Love you lots always, I miss you so much. Please send me some signs I could really do with them recently. Sleep tight Dad. Love you always & forever Mais xxx