i miss you so much. despite my age, i remember so much of you. i think over this past year & a half, not having you here has hit me harder than anything. growing up i knew no different, i was too young to feel the real pain and was distracted with just being a little girl. within this past year so much has happened, prom, my GCSEs, leaving school, starting college etc. all things where i’ve really, really wished more than anything else that you could of been here for. i think i’ve reached an age and a point in my life where grieving has only just really begun; which is weird because it’s been 12 years and only now am i beginning to struggle so much with not having you here. it feels so raw, i remember mum telling me that you’d passed away. i relied a lot on your old website to help me and it did. then when it got taken down, that just made me ten times worse as i found great comfort in reading old messages which probably seems unhealthy but it just made me feel like you were still here for a second. i’m sure you’re watching over me all the time because sometimes i wonder how i’ve made it through all that i have. i knew for sure you were looking after me when all the Leeds Fest thing happened because i’ve never ever felt so low, that knocked me more than i think anything ever has, it just couldn’t of happened at a worse time really and even now i still don’t feel back to my normal self but i really didn’t think i’d be able to get through that if you weren’t watching over me because i literally wouldn’t talk to anyone but liv about how i actually felt. please continue to always look over and look after us. i know liv misses you a lot. she’s doing so well at uni, you’d be so proud of her. she took the weight of what happened to me at leeds fest and made sure i was okay. she took me to the psychic to talk to you and she took me to london to see frankie and niqs and if it wasn’t for her i wouldn’t of left the house to see anyone after it all. i love you so much and miss you more & more each day. sleep tight, god bless X